Is it weird for me to say that I don’t like myself? I just, I don’t know where to start. Can you help me with that?
Do you ever talk to yourself? Do you think that it is weird when you speak out loud and you’re asking yourself questions about what is happening in your world? Do you ever think, “If people saw me right now they would think I’m crazy?” That is awesome! That means you have a relationship with yourself! Let me explain why this is so valuable.
The majority of us where never taught how to have self worth and value ourselves. Most parents aren’t aware of how to develop this in their children (or themselves), no school I’ve ever known of has a class on “dealing with difficult emotions, and how to handle them.” So naturally, we graduate from high school, hit college, and wonder why we can’t get ourselves together emotionally. We are supposed to be pros at it by now right? “I mean I’m an adult! I can handle this. Maybe not, I don’t know. Who is the most adultiest adult I know?”
We fall into depressions, drinking, staying busy, casual hook ups, changing our major a million times, and either dropping out, or graduating having no idea what we want out of life. This is about the time, you become my client.
Now there is a model called “The Self-Worth Umbrella.” I draw it out, and it looks like a banana but it’s an umbrella. I break up into three sections: self image, self confidence, and self esteem. Now from 1-10 how would you rate your self image? One being “Ew, I look disgusting all the time” to ten “I look awesome! I love how I look.” Now most people say “It depends on the day.” Yes, I see that, however pick the number that you feel most days. Pick a number. Got it? Great. Now we do it for self confidence which his defined as one being “I can’t do this, this is too hard, I can’t ask them out!” to ten being, “Oh my gosh I totally got this! Hi my name is ____.” Did you pick a number? Awesome. The last one is self esteem this one is how much you like yourself. One being “I hate who I am and I can’t stand myself most days” to ten being, “If I could clone myself I would be my own best friend.” Did you pick a number? Great!
Now we look at the numbers. The lowest number that you present is the one you are wearing on your body and presenting in your language all the time. It is the one that is most visible among your world. Let me show you why. We are going to look at the weather in your life. If the weather in your life is full of rain and you have a number of 3, how long do you think that umbrella is going to hold up? Those polls wouldn’t be very strong! Therefore, when one part is low, the entire umbrella folds in. So what happens when hail comes? We are soaking wet.
With having a better understanding of yourself worth you might see how these numbers completely frame your way of thinking and decision making. If you don’t think highly of yourself, it will affect the decisions you make. Our emotional state about who we are is what decides if we are capable or good enough for something else. Often we will discredit opportunities because we do not believe that we hold value. If your entire life direction could be based on how you view you, wouldn’t you want to take it more seriously?
Now this issue doesn’t stop here. There are plenty of millennials who are CEO’s, parents, and leaders, and they severely struggle to take their emotions and their self worth seriously. This has a ripple effect. This causes a sickness throughout a family, company, corporations, and anyone else we come into contact with. It teaches our children how to have low self worth and how to interact with us, it teaches our employees how to talk to us, and it literally changes everything in our lives. All because you have convinced yourself that you have high self worth doesn’t mean you do. If you were never taught this, how would you know?